I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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