He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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