Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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