when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You pole danced in your parka.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
