i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
