i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
