I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dicks are not precious.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
