May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
