I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
