we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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