Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Randomize
