Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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