I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
