I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
