You made me cry and you don't even care
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
