Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
