Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
