White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
