Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How does one acquire holy water?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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