It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
