I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
