i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
