I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
