I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
