you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he puts the penis in happiness.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
