I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
