i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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