Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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