singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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