And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I met the friendliest cop last night
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
