In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
