Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize