You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize