I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
