I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
