i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
