If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
