Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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