It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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