Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
