I feel great
I just peed on a car
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
