eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
