My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
