I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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