you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
