She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
