FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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