Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This is classic penis vs brain.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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