yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
