shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I want her autograph on my taint
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
