plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
