She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
