LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
