I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
