dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
