maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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