im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
