go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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