I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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