I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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