in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
