So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
