dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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