You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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