hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
