can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
