Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
