Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
