So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
