i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
