I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
