I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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